


you're like a mirror, reflecting me

by jenmishe



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, endgame fix-it bc im bitter, everyone (almost) is happy and nothing hurts, spoilers and spoilers be careful dudes, steve rogers deserved better than half assed ending written on someones knee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 13:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18621910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenmishe/pseuds/jenmishe
Summary: “Why are you so quiet?” Steve asks him with a frown. Bucky swallows a few times.“You’re back,” he says. There’s everything he’s feeling in those two words.Steve blinks a few times, owlishly, and Bucky can’t stop looking at his face, his long eyelashes, his big nose, and pink lips. He’s thought he’d never see it again.“Of course I’m back,” Steve says like it’s clear and simple.(Or, Steve Rogers chooses Bucky Barnes, no matter what, again and again.)





	you're like a mirror, reflecting me

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [以你为镜](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662338) by [joankindom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joankindom/pseuds/joankindom)



> listen.
> 
> i'm letting all of my bitterness and disappointment into this fic. after it's published, i'm done. i'm letting all of it go, remembering only the good things, and that's it.
> 
> steve rogers and peggy carter are one of my favourite characters and what they did to them is simply disgusting. erasing both of their developments, making peggy a love interest when she was shown to move on and has found happiness on her own during all of these years; the whole plot of tws of letting go, forgetting the past because it isn't returning; it's all gone. steve's arc was about finding happiness and friends in the 'future', of accepting the truth. making him go back after 8 years is so fucking stupid.  
> also, making steve /so/ selfish and uncaring and heartless towards his best friend, is just...... i'm not even talking about romantic steve/bucky - they destroyed the moving point of the whole trilogy, which is - bucky's the most important person for steve. he wouldn't leave him, not like that.  
> and natasha romanova is worth more than being the sacrificial martyr whose resolution of years of trauma is to die.  
> so let me introduce you to The Salt Fic. it's a little rough, but so are my feelings, so sorry.
> 
> enjoy y'all.
> 
> title from dust to dust by the civil war

After the dust settles (normal, after-battle-dust, but also the kind of dust that when it touches your skin you want to throw up), everyone is twitchy, not knowing what to do. Half of them don’t even register things, everything’s too chaotic and quick - they were just fighting another battle altogether, and now somehow it’s five years later and they were all dead.

Bucky is sitting on the ground, watching the wrecks and water flowing between them. There are some corpses on the ground, but most of them disappear after some time.

People are crying, and most of them aren’t just silently sobbing - there’s screaming, hitches of breath, coughing from too many emotions and tears. Bucky watches all of this, slightly distant and alone. Sam left him when he saw his other friends, running full speed towards them, and Wanda sits alone, apart from all of them. She’s looking at the horizon, not celebrating, not crying.

She’s just watching the sun.

And Steve-- Steve is walking towards him, slumped, defeated, so small. Bucky has a vivid memory (and how wonderful that is, to have vivid memories) of so many moments like that, of tiny Steve walking to him with a broken face, but still so so brave.

Steve comes and finally looks at him, and there are clear tear streaks on his bloodied, dusted cheeks. The tears are fresh, still coming down, and all Bucky wants to do is to hold his face and wipe them away.

“Steve,” he says, and Steve finally breaks down, falling into his arms. Bucky sighs out in relief, clinging to him, holding him, trying to protect him. Steve just lays, all the fight leaving him.

Bucky doesn’t know how much time passes, but he startles when he feels someone touching his shoulder. He turns, his neck and back hurting, and sees Sam looking at him tiredly.

“Let’s go,” he says gently, and Bucky looks around, not understanding, not until he sees a big portal leading to Wakanda.

Steve’s not sleeping, but he’s also not awake - he just lies in Bucky’s arms, unmoving. His eyes are open, but he doesn’t cry, doesn’t make any sound.

“C’mon Steve,” he whispers, raking his fingers gently through Steve’s dirty hair. “We have to rest.”

Steve looks at him with bloodshot eyes and he doesn’t blink, looking at Bucky and looking, until he finally nods. They get up together, and slowly go towards Wakanda, holding each other.

They’re still together. That’s all that matters, after all.

 

 

 

The funeral is a relatively quiet event. Bucky wasn’t expecting millions of people - from what he gathers Pepper Potts is not a person to invite media to her husband’s funeral - but it’s still shocking how little of them there are. Steve is standing at the front, and Bucky observes him, behind, as always.

“He’ll be fine,” Sam says quietly, then looks around. “We all will be.” He looks like he wants to believe it.

Wanda snorts next to them, hiding her hands in the pockets. She doesn’t say anything, but they know what she’s thinking about, how everyone got closure except her.

Bucky nods, once, then cocks his head a little. “Let’s go.”

Steve is one of the last ones to go inside, but his back is straight and his face doesn’t express anything. He probably wants to be strong, wants to support everyone.

Bucky sighs and goes to stand next to him, quiet. These days they’re always quiet.

“We weren’t friends, not really,” Steve says finally, and Bucky shrugs.

“He was still a good man,” he says, without bitterness. He stopped being bitter a really long time ago - now all that’s left is tiredness.

Steve looks at Stark’s daughter, with her big, innocent eyes and watery smile.

“He was,” Steve says quietly after a while. “The only thing I regret is how we didn’t have time to explain everything to each other.”

“You had five years,” Bucky notices, the teasing almost impalpable. Steve looks at him like he always does these days - with big, hurt eyes, tracking Bucky’s every move, like he’s afraid Bucky’ll disappear if he doesn’t look at him all the time.

To be fair, that did happen.

“It was long five years,” he mutters finally. His hand rests on Bucky’s shoulder and Bucky touches it gently.

“I know,” he responds, his voice throaty. You can feel those five years on Steve.

They never leave him.

 

 

 

Steve tells him one night when they’re lying in the dark. Neither of them can sleep, maybe for different, maybe for the same reasons, but they both pretend otherwise.

“It was a literal nightmare, Bucky, you can’t imagine it,” Steve whispers in the dark. “We were left in the empty, all of us. I don’t think anyone has dealt with it, even after all that time. The sky was dark for almost a month, there was so much dust.”

“I was in this therapy group,” he continues. “And every week we just sat there and kept repeating to each other: we have to move on. Life goes on. I don’t think anyone has moved and I don’t think anyone was able to.”

Bucky tucks himself closer than he ever dared to before, touching his shoulder to Steve’s. Steve body is warm, solid, real - everything that being dust wasn’t.

“I’m here,” he says firmly. “I’m not leaving you.”

Steve turns his head and looks at him, unsteady. Finally, he closes his eyes.

“I know,” he says.

Neither of them sleeps that night, but they’re warm and real and together.

 

 

 

They find a rhythm after that, something that began forming in Wakanda, something that’s still unstable and shaky at best, and unworkable at worst, but it’s a beginning. The world needs repairing, all of them need it, and as time passes it becomes easier.

Steve still has so many responsibilities to the world, though, and Bucky wants to scream, to beg everyone to let them rest, to demand peace. He stays quiet, and Steve never stays still, though this time he looks behind his shoulder at Bucky.

“That’s so surreal,” Sam says one day when they’re looking at the calendar. The word ‘2023’ is looming at them, taunting at every possible moment how much time they’ve lost. Bucky tries to stop his panic every time, because the thoughts of missing time, of not knowing what date it is, of existing somewhere between decades, make him stop breathing, terror grasping his lungs.

Shuri made his Hydra triggers disappear and untangled his neurons, but you can’t cure someone broken from the inside of themselves.

“Though the world hasn’t changed that much, right?”

Bucky shrugs.

“I guess. We already had flying cars in 2018.”

“And spaceships,” Sam smirks, but it’s dimmed after they realize what spaceships meant in that time.

“You remember anything?” Bucky asks, curious - his only memory is a crippling terror, as his right hand shattered right in front of his eyes, the serious feeling of wrongness that made him call out Steve’s name. And then there’s cold and nothingness.

Sam frowns, bouncing his ball on the floor, then the wall, and again, and again, and again. It’s a rhythmic sound, dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-dum.

“I remember the empty,” he says. “I was lying, and then everything was screaming inside me that there’s something wrong, but before I could do anything, there was nothing. And then suddenly we were all on that field and T’Challa was telling us to fight.”

Bucky nods and then looks at the ceiling. The Avengers’ base was rebuild in an incredible time, with so many people helping. It’s always busy, full guests and friends and politicians, but there are sometimes silent hours when people think about the previous building and the man who build it.

“It’s incredible, what they ended up doing,” Sam continues and looks at Bucky with bright eyes. “I mean, dude, time travel!”

Bucky smiles slightly and looks at the center of the main room, where they’re holding the stones, ready to be returned to their own times.

Steve, of course, is the one to return them.

Of course.

Bucky sighs, wobbling on his chair. He likes those moments of quiet when he’s just sitting with someone and they don’t have to fight aliens. Bucky has had enough fight in his life for now.

People are mainly just wandering around, coming and going. The only ones staying right now are Steve, Bruce, Wanda, and Sam. And Bucky, because even though he misses Wakanda’s sun on his face, he patiently waits for Steve to smile and leave all that behind him. Maybe it’s hopeless, maybe it’s unhealthy, but Bucky knows no better - they were separated for so long, that missing Wakanda’s sun is nothing compared to losing Steve’s warmth.

There are empty spaces between the Avengers, the silence and unspoken things hanging there heavily. Two chairs are always empty, no matter how they sit at the table. Bucky doesn’t say anything, although he misses Natasha, too. The Avengers were never a team, not really, but they were close and cared for each other, and losing two of them is like a fresh, bleeding wound that is always going to sting.

“Let’s do this,” Steve announces in his ridiculous suit, standing tall and sure. They explained to Bucky and Sam and everyone who wanted to know how that time-travel thing worked, but it’s still so bizarre to Bucky that he prefers not to think about it, just to spare his brain from becoming a mush - he’s been there, it’s not pleasant. Anyway, in theory, it all seems so easy, just hop in and hop out.

In practice, it’s Steve.

(Also, Bucky heard about their journey for the stones and how they fucked up almost everything there was to fuck up, so forgive him for being a little doubtful.

And it’s Steve. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.)

Wanda is still too distant and closeted off to go with them, so it’s just Bruce to send Steve back to return the stones, and Bucky and Sam for moral support. Or whatever. Steve’s supposed to be gone only for five seconds, and in that time he’ll return six stones to different planets, so who the fuck knows how does that work.

Bruce (Hulk? Bulk? Hulce? It hurts too much to think about it - green Bruce) is talking animatedly with Sam, who sometimes has to duck down to avoid an enthusiastic hand, and Bucky feels a subtle tugging on his sleeve, so he slows down a little.

Steve is walking slowly next to him, but he isn’t looking at him, throat spasming as he swallows.

“When we went for the Tesseract,” he begins slowly, nervously, “it didn’t really go according to the plan, I told you, right?”

Bucky hums, wondering what’s on Steve’s mind.

“Tony… Tony and I had to go back further,” he continues, still looking in front of him. “And I… I saw Peggy.”

Oh.

Bucky inhales and exhales quietly, slowly.

There it is.

“I get it,” he says, his tone flat. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

Steve finally looks at him.

“Bucky…”

“Steve, no. It’s your decision. Just be sure you don’t destroy the whole multiverse or anything.” Bucky looks at him, really looks, and it’s no use to pretend in his own mind. So he lets the bitterness consume him for a few seconds, words full of spite hanging in his mouth, his thoughts raging and raging. He thinks about how he’s not enough, how after everything he’s still left behind, alone (and it’s always been like that, Steve shining like a beacon, always going forward, forward, and Bucky following him helplessly). He thinks about the empty promises, whispers in the dark, soft words full of forgiveness--

And he lets go.

He understands.

(After all, he did the same. It’s time to stop being so fucking selfish.)

Steve meets his eye, nods, and smiles a little. Bucky smiles back.

 

 

 

Bucky says his goodbyes because of course he does, and of course it’s sentimental as fuck, because who’s he kidding. He tries, tries so hard, and smiles to Steve, sees the determination in his eyes, and even if it breaks him a little, it doesn’t matter.

Steve hurts so much, it’s evident in his every move and word. He deserves the world and now he can get that world.

Bucky just wants him to rest. If he’s not enough, it doesn’t matter.

“Five seconds from now,” Bruce announces, looking at the clock. Bucky counts every second with him, even if he already knows. He wants to turn his back on the machine, just to not to look at the emptiness, which now is a part of his life, but he can’t.

“Where is he?” murmurs Sam when Bruce starts nervously flipping the switches, the platform still empty.

Bucky wants to laugh at bewilderment on Sam’s face, but the lump in his throat stops him. So he just smiles.

He finally turns around, ready to go away. He just needs to rest. He just needs the fastest way to get to Wakanda, to get away from all of it. He’ll be fine - he always is, always has to be, and now it’s a habit, even if the triggers are gone. The Asset has to calculate the status of his physical ability and recover from any damage by any means necessary, just to proceed with the mission.

The Asset: Bucky. The mission: hide in Wakanda. Recovery: 10% chance.

Bucky shakes his head at himself and starts walking.

“Bucky? Hey, Bucky, where are you going?” Sam shouts behind him and Bucky doesn’t turn.

“He isn’t coming back,” he says, stoically. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

 

 

 

Peggy’s day already isn’t that great, and then it gets worse.

The whole base is in shambles - some gossip of intruders, and then suddenly everyone is on high alert, searching for two men, because there was an activity in their underground department. Life as a director isn’t easy (it’s probably on the very end of the spectrum of antonyms to “easy”) but situations like these--

“What do you mean they had permits,” she barks on the phone, talking to the security, as the place is in the process of being shut down. They have too many things - too many dangerous, deadly, secretive things, a shining cube from space being one of them. She hangs up as nobody from the security is in the state to give her the description of the intruders. As far as they know, only one person saw them, but they really can’t risk it.

She massages her temples, whole body protesting. Her head hurts and eyes prickle. She knew it was a bad idea - knew that the moment Howard had called her, telling only “we found it”. She knew, and yet here it is, probably being stolen right now, and--

There’s some movement in the corner of her eye and she draws her weapon faster than the thought of getting it out crosses her mind. The force of habit, she supposes.

“Hands in the air,” she says sharply, unlocking the safety, but when the man reveals himself from the shadows, she nearly drops the gun.

“It’s really me,” he says and breath in his lungs is moving, his fingers are twitching, his blood is moving, cheeks rosy. He looks different from what she remembers, but what is her memory at this moment? “Peggy, it’s really me.”

She doesn’t want to lower her gun, but she trusts her gut more than anything in this world, and right now it’s telling her to lower the gun.

He smiles. Peggy feels her eyes watering, and it’s so embarrassing, but--

“Steve?” she whispers, her voice nothing more than a flutter on the wind. He stands closer to her, and she can feel his warmth. “But… But how? Did they find you? Why…”

“I can’t really tell you,” he says quietly. “I shouldn’t even be here.”

She grabs his wrist, hard, but he doesn’t even blink.

“Why do you mean you can’t tell me? Why are you here?”

Steve - and it’s really Steve, Peggy feels like she might throw up - looks at her, his eyelashes so long.

“I just wanted to say goodbye,” he tells her, his voice soft. “There were so many occasions and I’ve never used them. And then you were gone, and--”

Peggy doesn’t even begin to understand what’s going on, but she turns Steve’s hand and touches his fingers. They feel so real.

“I’ve said my goodbyes a long time ago,” she admits. “You were gone, Steve.”

“I know,” he nods and his smile is so heartbreaking and cheerful at the same time. “I’m happy you’re enjoying life. The SHIELD…” his eyes darken a little, and he leans to whisper in her ear. “Don’t trust Zola, alright? I can’t tell you much, but… Please, just watch him.”

Peggy looks at him, carefully. At his different, longer hair, sleek costume, wrinkles next to his eyes. He’s not the same person - but that’s good, because she has some gray hair and she knows her forehead is more wrinkled than before. She’s seen many, many things in her life, and before she knows it, she’s sure that he’s from the future. She doesn’t know how or why, but she just knows it. It’s bizarre, but after seeing the blue cube from the space and a dark ether eating away substance, nothing can really move her.

“You’re not staying, right?” she says, but it’s not sorrowful. She just states a fact. He nods, and she squeezes his hand one last time.

“I’m always gonna miss you,” he says, and his tone is full of unshed tears. “But I’ve moved on. I’ve found peace.”

“That’s all I ever wanted,” she confesses, quickly wiping the tear that got away. “I’m happy, too. I’m living my life.”

Steve laughs weakly and hugs her. “I guess we were never meant to be, right?” he says into her hair.

Peggy has to swallow a few times before she finds her voice. “I guess not.”

He nods like that’s what he has been expecting, and he lets her go. He nods a few time to calm himself, clearing his throat.

“Now is probably a good time to leave,” he mutters to himself, but then he looks around and squares his shoulders. Peggy, sometime later, will amusedly think to herself that he probably just gave himself a pep talk right there. “Peggy, listen. I shouldn’t be doing it, but.” He stares right at her. “Bucky is alive, Hydra has him. They’re using and torturing him.”

Her legs weaken underneath her, and she has to grab the chair. She feels like she should be more shocked about her dead love showing up suddenly than about one man being alive, but. Steve being here is illogical and abstract, but also suiting, even if only for her own feelings.

James Barnes being alive and in Hydra’s imprisonment? That’s more real, more palpable. Something so terrifying can only happen in reality.

“Steve,” she says, her voice sepulchral. “What do you _mean_ -”

Steve looks at the weird bracelet on his wrist and curses. “I have to go,” he says, panic clear in his voice. He grabs her hand again, but this time it’s not affectionate - it’s desperate. He thrusts a necklace between her fingers, but Peggy doesn’t have time to even look at it. “Please save him. You have to save him. Spare him these years - I found him so late, I…”

And he disappears.

Peggy looks around and blinks, but there’s no one else in her office. The only evidence of him ever being here is unlocked gun in her loose hand and the necklace in the other one. Maybe he gave it to her as a reminder that it was real, she muses after a while (actually, that “a while” is ten minutes spent sitting behind the desk with wide eyes and quick, panicked breathing, but nobody has to know).

She looks at the necklace, a silver thing with small “A”, and she sighs.

 

(Four years later, after Zola’s execution for treason and after she did all the weeding with her bare hands, they find a cryo in the old Red Room’s quarters in the middle of Russia.

There’s a man in there, with closed eyes and blank expression, frozen.

Doctor checks his heartbeat and nods, eyes wide.)

 

 

 

Steve’s still shaken after his visit, but the return of the rest of the stones is quite simple. Sneaking around Asgardian palace is quite amusing, even if having to return the Mjolnir is somewhat hurtful to him - what can he say, he’s grown attached. Visiting other planets makes him shake just from the magnitude, and the scary lady in New York just holds her hand out.

“You’re late,” she says, and Steve looks at his watch.

“It’s been 2 seconds,” he sighs, and she shakes her head.

“I liked your green friend better,” she muses, then looks at him. “Go, before you destroy everything.”

Steve goes.

The last step is Vormir and the trek is hard, but it also makes him feel alive, makes him look around with so much happiness in his chest, because they’ve won, he’s here with the evidence of their triumph.

At the top, there is a figure and before it can say anything, he holds his hand out with the stone in it. It’s warm, pulsing like a heartbeat.

“I’m returning it,” he states, simple as that.

The figure levitates quietly.

“Will you take it?” Steve asks, slightly uncomfortable. If the figure doesn’t take the stone…

“A soul for a soul,” the figure murmurs, and Steve recognizes the voice from somewhere. “Do you willingly surrender the power?”

“Yes,” Steve says, honest and tired. “I’m done with power. In any form.”

The figure hums, levitating closer. “A soul for a soul…” it repeats itself.

“Alright,” Steve says. “I’m on the clock here, so what do I do? Just drop the stone down there?” he peers down, but then thinks about how probably Natasha’s body is still laying there, and he almost throws up.

“Are you sure you want to return the stone?” the figure leers at him. “It’s the Infinity Stone. You can gather the power of souls and creatures in here. You can manipulate every living thing.”

“I think I’ll pass,” Steve shrugs, and then looks at the figure. “So what, just have to drop it?”

“A soul for a soul,” the figure repeats, almost like it doesn’t know what to do any better than Steve.

“...Okay. So here we go,” he says and drops the stone down. It glints as it’s falling, the ground attracting it closer and closer, inviting the stone to its rightful place. When it touches the ground, there’s a flash of great light and suddenly he’s lying in the water. He groans, thudding his head on the ground.

He’s so tired.

Next to him something moves and he looks, startled, only to be met with familiar eyes.

“Steve?” Natasha asks, confused and blinking repeatedly. She’s in her suit. Some hysterical part of Steve hopes she has her Pym Particle. “What are you doing in here?”

Steve cries this time.

 

 

 

As Bucky begins to walk away, there’s a flash and suddenly Bruce is whooping with his deep voice.

He turns around, not believing his own eyes, but he’s there - he’s there, alive, still young, not looking like he spent years with the love of his life. And next to him is Natasha, alive and healthy.

Sam drops his phone. “Natasha?” he whispers, and then they’re running towards each other, and when they hug, he raises her into the air.

Natalia Romanova doesn’t cry with people present, but she looks like she’s close enough.

“Steve told me,” she babbles, “but seeing you all, alive, I just…”

She looks around and Bucky waves gently, in too much shock to do anything else. A brilliant smile lights her face and she has bruises, is covered in blood, but she’s beautiful.

“Barnes, good to see you,” she says, and he nods at her. She turns to Sam, and says, heated, “Clint’s family? Did they…?”

Sam nods and smiles widely. She blinks a few times.

“That’s good,” she whispers. “I can’t believe you’ve done it. It’s real. They’re all back.”

“We couldn’t have done it without you, Natasha,” Steve says gently, finally coming down from the platform. Bucky can’t stop looking at him. “You’ve made this win possible.”

Before she can say anything, green-Bruce, giant but gentle, hugs her and weeps into her neck. She rolls her eyes fondly.

Bucky just stands in the distance, the change of emotions too quick for him. His brain is still connecting the synapses together, so many impulses at one time are too-

Steve stands next to him, with a smile full of happiness on his face. Bucky’s almost afraid to touch him, afraid to shatter the illusion, because it surely--

“Why are you so quiet?” Steve asks him with a frown. Bucky swallows a few times.

“You’re back,” he says. There’s everything he’s feeling in those two words.

Steve blinks a few times, owlishly, and Bucky can’t stop looking at his face, his long eyelashes, his big nose, and pink lips. He’s thought he’d never see it again.

“Of course I’m back,” Steve says like it’s clear and simple. “Nothing could hurt me, right?”

“Right,” Bucky says, biting his tongue to stop every question he has about Peggy Carter.

“Steve,” Sam says loudly, turning to look at them. “Are you two coming?” He’s hugging Natasha with one warm, who looks like she can’t wait to see the rest of the team.

Steve shakes his hand. “In a minute!” he yells back and Sam nods, and then Bucky and Steve are alone.

“Why did you thought I wouldn’t be coming back?” Steve asks and Bucky almost snorts, because Steve’s serious, he doesn’t know.

“You saw Peggy.” That’s all he says.

Steve looks at him.

“I’d thought you’d stay with her,” Bucky says, finally.

Steve begins to shake his head vigorously. “Bucky. I just wanted to say goodbye to her. She died too quickly - the last time I saw her was four months before her funeral,” he breathes out, and then grabs Bucky’s hand, his flesh one, desperately. “I didn’t want to go back.”

Bucky furrows his brow, but he finally, finally feels himself unwinding, the vice grip on his stomach loosening up.

“I’ve moved on,” Steve continues, his grip on Bucky’s hand tighter and tighter, but Bucky relishes in that feeling. “I still love her, but… I wouldn’t just leave my life. I’ve been here for more than 10 years.”

“What’s here for you,” Bucky says. “You’re clearly unhappy. You’d like to go back, I see it. You probably also miss the old me, the…”

“Stop it,” Steve says sharply. He breathes out slowly and nervously rakes his hand through his hair. “Bucky. I wouldn’t leave my life here.” He looks him straight into eyes. “I wouldn’t leave you.”

Bucky rapidly blinks a few times. “I know,” he says hoarsely. “I know.”

Steve grabs his second hand and now they’re holding each other tightly with both hands, and it feels more intimate than it probably should.

“I have everything I need in here,” Steve says slowly. “I don’t need or want anything else. Just some peace.”

Bucky raises his eyebrow.

“You? Giving up on fighting? At least don’t lie to me,” he teases lamely. Steve shakes his head, serious.

“No, I’m telling the truth.” His eyes are bright. “Let’s retire? Just the two of us? We can just lie and rest until we’re both gray.”

“In Wakanda,” Bucky points out, because no matter how hard his heart beats, he has his priorities straight.

“In Wakanda,” Steve agrees, his tone so cheerful. Bucky, for the life of him, can’t remember the last time Steve has sounded so happy. “We can care for all of your goats.”

“Do you think someone took care of them?”

“I think so, yeah. Okoye knew how important they were to you.”

“I hope so,” Bucky murmurs. Steve’s still looking at him, all bright-eyed, and Bucky feels like even his metal arm could sweat. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Steve grins harder and Bucky lets go of one of his hands to push his stupid face away. Steve laughs quietly.

“I’m glad you didn’t go,” Bucky says, trying to be truthful. Truth is good.

“I didn’t even want to,” Steve admits. “I just wanted to return as quickly as I could, and leave all of it behind me.”

Bucky hums and for a few seconds, they just stand there, still holding hands, and looking at each other.

“I’m happy,” Steve murmurs, as they start slightly swinging to the wind. “I really am, Buck.”

Bucky squints his eyes and looks at the sun.

“I think I am, too.” He doesn’t know what happiness is supposed to feel like, not really - he can guess from some echoes of other-Bucky, but all of his memories before the fall seem so muted, like he’s trying to look at them and hear them through the water.

But he’s content. His head doesn’t hurt and he feels like himself. He’s warm and his arm doesn’t hurt. It’s been five years, but he’s learning to live with that, to look at Steve and see all the lost that’s still lingering in him, but don’t let it consume him.

More importantly - they’re together. Steve looks at him happily, and content, and so full of love that Bucky wants to run away as fast as he can, but also try to hold it close and never let go.

Maybe they can heal together, after all these years. That would be good.

“Let’s go inside,” he says and starts to go, but Steve’s staying still. “Steve?”

“I love you so much,” Steve whispers, his voice floating in the air. Bucky feels dizzy. “That’s all I’ve been able to think about for all these five years. I’ve lost you, again, after I thought we could finally rest, and I had to live with the knowledge that I never…”

Bucky shushes him and gently touches his cheek. Steve’s eyelashes flutter.

“Don’t think about that right now,” he says firmly. “It has never been your fault. I’m here now and that’s all that matters.”

“You’re right.” Steve opens one eye and looks at him critically. “I don’t know how could you ever think that I’d leave you. I’d let the world burn before I’d let you go.”

“Well, that’s optimistic,” Bucky says snidely. “Not unhealthy at all.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“But I would, too,” Bucky says casually. “I think you already know that. We really are a pair, huh?”

“Mhm,” Steve says and begins to walk towards the base, still holding his hand. “We have to find a house, I’m not living in your dump.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t ‘mhm’ me, we’re the friends of the king, surely we can get at least one-room flat.”

“How about we stay where I stayed, but we’ll build a nicer home?”

“That sounds good.”

“I thought so. Steve has to sleep somewhere.”

“Steve the goat isn’t sleeping with us.”

“Mhm.”

 

(Two hours later Steve gives his newly-repaired shield to Sam with an embarrassed smile.

“I know no better person for this job,” he says and Sam looks at him with tears in his eyes.

“Steve, I--”

“Don’t be a baby, Wilson,” Bucky rolls his eyes and Steve elbows him.

“I’m old and tired,” Steve says. “It’s time for me to move on and finally rest.”

“I’m glad you’re going on retirement,” Sam says, snidely. He throws a look at Bucky. “You certainly need it.”

Steve just smiles. “You’re always welcome to visit us. Don’t be a stranger, Mr. America.”

“I mean…”

“Bucky.”)

**Author's Note:**

> (marvel doesn't know anything about time travel and they made a movie about it, so i'm allowed to make my own version. which is - steve telling peggy created another timeline in which bucky's saved in the 70's and after years of recovery he learns how to live as himself. almost 30 years in captivity is different than being 70 years in captivity. i don't know if they find steve faster in this timeline or not, i just know this - bucky's saved and a lot of people don't die. he learns how to live fully even without steve.)
> 
> (i'm [ @jenmishe ](https://twitter.com/jenmishe) on twitter so if anyone would like to talk or comment on my fic, come find me! though i mostly tweet in my native language)


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